Could you please tell me why If you were a 21 year old man why you would want to sleep with a girl who has tinkerbell bedding?
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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