Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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