so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
Sober January is a disaster.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
