so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
found the other keg... it's in the tree
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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