Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
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