im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
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