I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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