We're facebook friends in real life
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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