Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Randomize
