Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Randomize
