There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
