You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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