the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
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