You're so nebulous sometimes
She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
