i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
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