Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
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