She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
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