He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Randomize
