my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
