hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
