I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
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