after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
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