Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
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