It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
