is your mom at the bar?
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
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