I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
