he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
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