Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Randomize
