The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
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