I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Sext me about skeletons
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
