I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Randomize
