My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
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