she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
