Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Randomize
