The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
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