Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
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