the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Just invented taco cereal.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
