dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Randomize
