We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
