Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Your penis caused this!
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize