I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Randomize
