I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
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