Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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