My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
