If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Randomize
