Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
