He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
im six kinds of drunk right now
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
