I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Randomize
