His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
