so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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