so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize
