she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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