her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Randomize
