I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
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