Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
she smelled like a LAN party
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
