My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
