I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
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