I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
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