Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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