Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
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