nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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