Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
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