Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Randomize
