you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
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