do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
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