its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
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