What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
