Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Randomize
