Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
I need to stop coming to work sober
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
do herpes really smell.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Randomize
