discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I was not drunk enough for that final.
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