I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Randomize
